Career Movers Series: Thriving After A Tough Employment Situation

I was raised to believe in a rational universe populated by honest, well intentioned people. I enter all situations with that mindset, but have left some shocked by a much different reality. One place where reason may not prevail, but life must go on is your career. Time will help your heart and ego heal. For now, you must be pragmatic. So, for those who may have ended their employment involuntarily, here are a few fundamental next steps. 

1.  Gather as much evidence as you can.  First, see if the employer will give you any information about how they see the situation.  You will rarely get the full set of facts as employers are uncomfortable with the conversation and worry about legal liability, but you should ask.  When you do, let them know you are asking so you can move forward assured you won’t run in to the same problem.  When you get the feedback be appreciative for their honesty and do not challenge the facts, their role in the problem or their analysis of the facts.  This is not a trial and this is not your time for a closing argument.   As you begin to process your feelings and begin next steps, partner with a trusted confidant to determine which parts of the feedback are helpful to you and which are a matter of perspective, which you do not share.  You will likely never fully agree with what the employer said and you may be tempted to argue, but don't.  There is your truth, their truth and THE truth.  It is unlikely you will understand all three.  Second, move on to finding out whatever you can about the good work you did. You may be able to use that in place of a good reference or to refute untruths about your work.
2.  Frame an explanation of what happened so you can speak of it without focusing on the negative. Keep it brief, moderately vague, and focused on whatever positives you can find. 
3.  If you know of other people who are aware of the employer’s bad behavior (towards you or others), seek them out to gain insight as to how to move forward and limit the effects of the fractured relationship. They may know people who will understand your experience and look past it. This is not permission to gossip or wallow. 
4.  When possible, do not burn the bridge, even if the employer seems to have started the fire. Exit as gracefully as possible. Even consider thanking the employer for the opportunity despite the result. That may soften the employer and benefit you in the future. 
5.  Seek alternative references from the employer. A reference can come from a colleague, non-supervising member of the organization, vendors, clients, etc. 
6.  Don’t tell everyone every detail of the story. You don’t want the story to grow a life of its own. That only leaves room for gossip and takes the focus off your qualifications and availability. 
7.  If there are lessons to learn, learn them, but don’t take the situation on as a Scarlet Letter.  Don’t take on the self doubt, blame and guilt that goes with taking this one situation and having it act as a reflection of you in a broader context.  You will get past this and it is not a final judgment on your potential or career. 

Ultimately the biggest challenge will be to move on from trying to make sense of what happened. That is often challenging. Your job is to move past it. Not make it last longer by tarnishing your reputation and the employer’s through negative talk, and find a way to reframe the experience so it gets out of the way of your next opportunity. 20% of success is what happens to you and 80% is how you respond. 

Start working on that response.

Career Movers Series: Moving Past A Troubled Work Experience

Even the most skilled professional can tell stories of fractured work relationships and ugly exits from organizations. Although not all of us will have that experience, most of us will. If and when it does happen, it is important to manage the situation so it becomes an interesting story rather than a cautionary tale.


The first step is to see if the employer will give you any information about how they see the situation. You will rarely get the full set of facts as employers are uncomfortable with the conversation and worry about legal liability, but you should ask. When you do, let them know you are asking so you can move forward assured you won’t run in to the same problem. When you get the feedback be appreciative for their honesty and do not challenge the facts, their role in the problem or their analysis of the facts. This is not a trial and this is not your time for a closing argument.

Now, evaluate the information you received in the most honest way you can. Find the lessons that can be learned from what happened and either go forward vowing never to make the same mistakes again or seek coaching or education that will help overcome the deficiency.

Next, do not try to determine the “truth” of the situation. As wise people have said throughout time, there is your truth, their truth and The Truth. Uncovering the full and unquestionable truth of any situation is impossible so don’t waste energy and emotional stress to find it. Also, do not exhaust yourself and others by rehashing the story over-and-over. It is time to move on.

After you are finished with your assessment, make sure you process it emotionally so that you realize this situation was a reflection of one period in time and one unique set of circumstances, it is not a finite assessment of you as a person or a professional. Don’t take on the self doubt, blame and guilt that goes with taking this one situation and having it act as a reflection of you in a broader context.

There are additional tactical steps you must take to minimize potential damage. First, talk to your employer to find out what they will say to potential employers who call. Most will keep details simple, but make sure you know what they will say.

In some cases you will be able to pin down what the organization’s answer will be, but there individuals who could potentially give on or off record opinions when called directly. You really can’t control those situations, but you can try to lessen the damage by handling it directly. Write an email to that person and express your appreciation for the opportunity to work with him and acknowledge the situation did not go as smoothly as either side expected. Then express your hope that he can see beyond the problem situation to feel comfortable letting potential employers who may call him know that you had other positive attributes. Finally, ask him if he would feel comfortable writing a recommendation based on the good things you did while with him. He may decline, but it is worth asking. If you end up with a letter of recommendation you can avoid future awkward questions about your tenure by producing the letter rather than having the potential employer contact him directly.

You should then look for other references within the organization. They can be colleagues or other leadership who had some view or experience with your work. In addition, you should look for previous performance evaluations, notes, and emails during your tenure that praise your work. Ideally you have been forwarding those messages to your home computer all along, but if not, now is your last chance to capture them for future use.

After you have assessed the situation and managed the damage during your departure, you have two final things to do. First, design and practice your explanation of the situation so when asked, you do not falter. Your explanation should be brief (the more you talk the more you look like you are covering something) and should not lay blame on anyone (including you).

Finally, realize you may lose or have to fight harder for an opportunity because of this situation. Most people do not experience permanent fallout, but you may run in to some small fallout, particularly in the near future. Don’t panic and don’t get vindictive. Stick to your assessment of the situation, do the work to never revisit the mistakes, and be consistent with your messaging. You will soon be turning the page on a new chapter of your career.